That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
