You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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