my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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