I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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