i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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