i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drake has all the answers
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
