Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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