Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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