last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
