lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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