You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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