Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
