Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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