So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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