Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
