I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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