I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
