the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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