Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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