as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
worst night to have a conscience
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
