Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
