Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
