Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
