Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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