they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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