when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
