Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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