If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
