70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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