No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
