the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
