He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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