Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
