i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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