So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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