my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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