I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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