Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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