Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
