Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
