she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
