no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
