I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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