Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
