Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
