Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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