don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
