she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize