if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
