That's when you crack a 10am beer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
