My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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