I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
