You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
