Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
