Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Randomize