ya dads aren't the best wingmen
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
