i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
