before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
