Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
