God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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