Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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