we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
