Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
