brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
