Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
