I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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